Living from the inside, out

As promised, the next Trance Dance in Vancouver is on Sunday Dec 12th!  Check out Facebook (TranceDance Vancouver) for details. 

This last month was deeply moving.  I visited Denver (where I am headed again next week) and meditated in the Red Rock Amphitheatre for an hour.  Well, actually, I meditated for about thirty mintues before the sun-drenched rock I sat upon enticed me to lie down and have a nap. 

It may sound strange, but I can communicate with rocks.  Even if they just say, "I have nothing to say to you," I still hear them. 

The red rocks had a lot to say to me when I sat there and listened.  They pointed out to me how special it was that I can communicate with rocks, trees, streams, birds and four-leggeds.  And they told me I have the ability to speak for them.  And as I heard this, I felt empowered and more conscious of my responsibility in the world.

Last night I attended a four-hour talk with Wayne Dyer at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre in Vancouver.  The theatre was half full with almost 2,000 people!  Big place.  I was called to be there - my first time going to a Wayne Dyer event.  He prepped the audience for three hours to give his real message, an insight he first got about four months ago and has been researching ever since.

It's a profound message, a new message for him, unlike anything he has talked about in the past.  He used several references to back his message, including the Torah and New Testament, stories of the Buddha and references to other spiritual writings.  He warned that not everyone was going to like his message.  A few people actually picked up their coats and bags and left early as he began to give hints. 

Do you want to know what his message was?  It finally came down to three powerful words, 

"You are God." 

Wayne had already pointed out that when asked for His name by Moses, God replied, "I AM."  And when Moses needed clarification and asked God who "I AM" is, God simply responded, "I AM THAT I AM."

So I challenge you to say the name of God, "I AM" and "I AM THAT I AM" without implicating Yourself with Divinity! 

Last night, for the second time in my life, I felt incredibly humbled by the name of God.  My own spark of divinity grew bigger and more real to me than ever and with it, so did the divinity in everyone else.

If we can dance it, we can live it. - Wilbert Alix

With the help of committed volunteers, last Saturday I took a bold step and launched Vancouver Trance Dance.  About 14 of us brought curiousity and insight into our darkness, and warmth and movement into our bodies, as we danced and swirled to tribal world beats for an hour, blind-folded.  "That was incredible!" said a first-timer when we gathered in circle afterward.  And it really was.

I have a dream of hundreds of people dancing their intentions and visions every month at Vancouver Trance Dance.  I have a dream of a community of dreamers and dancers envisioning and manifesting their heart's desire, being the change they wish to see in the world. 

My Trance Dance Facilitator teacher, Wilbert Alix said, "If you can dance it, you can live it."  And I love and am curious about the seed, vision, or dream in you, that is longing to be danced.  Next dance is Nov 13th.  Stay posted for more information.

Shivers and goosebumps

Last week I was attending a seminar in L.A. and I had the opportunity and honour to help three people identify their heart virtues.  This involves a process developed and taught to me by Greg Mooers.

If you don't know what a heart virtue is, please let me explain.  It is the part of you that never changes.  It is true of you when you are born, it is true of you now and it will be true of you until the day you die.  Your heart virtue is the primary reason behind your most intense experiences of joyful meaning or rage and it is your soul's purpose. 

Your heart virtue is so important to you that you are willing to die for it!  And although all of us know this part of ourselves, we do not know that we know!  The heart virtue assessment moves us from "knowing but not knowing that we know," to "knowing and knowing that we know."

After helping each of the three people identify their heart virtues last week, I felt high for hours.  My 3-day sinus headache was blasted away and replaced by goosebumps and shivers and a wide-open heart.  I really can't wait to do more of this.

the author within

I'm writing from my hotel room in Los Angeles where I am re-attending the World's Greatest Marketing Seminar.  Tonight I was inspired by Rick Frishman's talk on getting published.  When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up and become a philosopher.  That definitely involves writing.  The book that is inside me is jumping up and down with excitement tonight.  Thank you Rick!

Hello Prozac!

I last wrote that I was feeling negative and tired. Here we are in the middle of summer, it's gorgeous out, and I am dragging my butt around slower than a slug. This all-too-familiar feeling is called depression. I've suffered from it since I was a child.

I'm disappointed that my first experiment with Prozac did not end happily ever after. I took it for the prescribed period of time, felt happy for the first time in my life last year, and then anticipated a smooth landing as I came off of it earlier this year. Sadly, as the drug disappeared from my system the clouds gathered and I've been living in a heavy, hopeless fog since June.

Anti-depressants definitely have a stigma attached to them, even though something crazy like 1 in 10 adult women in North America are on them. As a person who is predominantly identified with spirit, I definitely feel torn about choosing to go back onto anti-depressant drugs. After all, surely depression is not possible in a state of enlightenment! But I am humbled and over-powered by my body's chemical imbalances. And after 50 years of trying to overcome depression by natural means, I concede I have failed to do it through exercise, diet, natural supplements and meditation.

The time is now for me to get on with what I came to do and looking ahead, I am resolved to clear the fog that hinders me by whatever means is necessary. Hello Prozac!

Coping with negative people

I received an article today entitled, "Coping with Negative People". Here's the link in case you'd like to read it, http://www.leadoutloud.ca/Coping_with_Negative_People.pdf.

Here's the problem. Lately, I feel negative, tired and apathetic ! Yep, depressing thoughts and feelings have been clinging to me since I got a cold three weeks ago. How can a cold bring on such apathy? The cold was over two weeks ago but a black cloud is still hanging over me.

I think the two tips that I can apply (from the article above) are to "focus on what I want", (rather than on what I don't want) and to "let go". And I am going to go smudge right now.

Dancing and the Inner Eye

I just spent a month on the big island Hawaii and studied TranceDance with Wilbert Alix, a teacher of neo-shamanism.

I believe our state of mind determines our entire experience of life. From our state of mind we think, feel and act and we "see" what we see, and "hear" what we hear. As T. Harv Eker says, "Nothing has meaning except the meaning I give it." Altering my state of mind is a change-inducing way to shed light on my problems and intentions.

TranceDance is an affordable, legal and safe way of entering an altered state of mind. Its roots go back 30 years with Frank Natale and Wilbert Alix. There are TranceDance facilitators around the world and I am proud to join their ranks and look forward to bringing more TranceDance to Vancouver.

Self Esteem

I was in Singapore this month. It was hot, humid, very green and flowery and the people were friendly and efficient.

I completed a seven-day intensive called "Authentic Sales and Leadership Mastery Program". By day four, insights were hitting me like tsunamis. The biggest A-HA of all hit me on the last day of the course and I'm still assimilating it. The lesson was all about self-esteem, and my lack of it. And more importantly, how my low self-esteem impacts the people around me. I won't get into the details, but I let my team down and people got hurt, all because of my low self-esteem. As a leader, I have to believe in my team members more than they believe in themselves. I can't do that with low self-esteem.

This is one big lesson for me.

I'm down to 10 mgs of prozac a day (from 60) and feeling fine. Yeahh!

Lots of love,
Tosh

Facing one's demons

How can a spiritual teacher have credibility if he or she is on Prozac, or aspirin, or coffee, or anything that seems addictive or crutch-like?

I'm currently weening myself off of Prozac. I've been waiting for this moment since two years ago, when I first went on Prozac. The idea was to reduce my anxiety at work, so I could continue to work. In the end, I just felt more miserable and had to leave my job in February 2009. Immediately I started feeling better and it's just gotten better every day. I'm on a mid-life sabbatical and I LOVE it.

But the hangover was being stuck on Prozac. My doctor recommended I see it through, which meant another 8 months of taking it. It's kind of like being on antibiotics. Even though the problem (in my case, the job) was gone, the Prozac had to run its course.

So now I'm reducing the dosage every couple of weeks and noticing some mood swings. It's okay, meditation brings me so much deep peace that I can take all of this in stride. I'm curious to see how it goes once I'm completely off of it.

The other demon I'm facing these days is about commitment. I have been "planning" every day before it begins, and making one commitment each week. This is much harder than I thought it would be. I'm discovering that what I "think" I must do, and hence commit to, is not what I actually do. In fact, when the time comes, I have a whole other set of priorities. Like this week, I committed to creating an email list. Instead I reorganized my office and completed last year's tax return.

I don't know why this is. I'm human?

Lots of love,
Tosh

P.S. I just noticed that only one letter separates medication from meditation!! ;)

Five days in Austin Texas...

Written on January 30, 2010
Four days of mentoring with Keith Cunningham a week ago gave me valuable insights about business. Forty of us, from all over the world, received personal mentoring as the rest of us witnessed and learned from each case. Keith's mastery is drawing forth clarity from the individual and helping them deduce their next step - it was mesmerizing.


What is foremost in my mind is threefold. 1) Pick the low-hanging fruit first, 2) get in line and stay in line and 3) do what you can, now, and if it's worth doing at all, it's worth doing poorly initially, just to get started!! So the next 100-day stretch is like a highway with several pit stops for fueling.

There's only one GPS system for this highway - my heart. To keep that map bright and clear, I must meditate every day.

"Stop" is a holy word.

"Stop. Just stop."

Do you feel it? Do you feel something inside yourself sigh with relief when these words really sink in?

Gangaji is the source of this particular wisdom and says "stop" is a holy word. I agree.

Along a similar theme, Krishnamurti said the following when he disbanded and stopped his Order in 1929:

"... those who really desire to understand, who are looking to find that which is eternal, without a beginning and without an end, will walk together with greater intensity, will be a danger to everything that is unessential, to unrealities, to shadows. "

Stopping does feel dangerous and I love it!

I completed Larry Gilman's "Mastery of Self Expression" course in December. I took the course because Larry promised it would help me develop my softer side on stage. This is a huge blind spot for me, but from feedback I apparently made progress.

Anyway, the 20 or so participants are continuing a connection and I'm excited about that - most of us live here in Vancouver!!! The experience of seeing one another with our hearts stripped and naked has bound us together like nothing else can. There is such power and strength in expressing from this vulnerable, deeply honest place. The challenge is to maintain this quality of self-expression with one another. I'm definitely keen to do that.

Next up, this weekend, "The Painting Experience" with Stewart Cubley. I'm sooo excited to hold a wet paintbrush in my hand with a blank canvas before me. What will be the first colour tomorrow night?

And next week: Austin, Texas where I will commence Keith Cunningham's business-mentoring program . I really need and want his help in writing a lucrative, solid business plan for my new seminar and coaching program (for people in mid-life who want assistance giving birth to their spiritual power).

My journey of accelerated-learning appears to be continuing well into 2010. I am driven by an unseen, unstoppable force and I have good reason to believe I will finally get my wings next year! I can't wait!

Finally, thank you so much to all new and old blog "Followers!" I know we share this path of incredible awakening and seeing your names here helps me FEEL it every time I write something. If you are reading this and haven't signed up as a follower, please do so now, I'd love to know who you are and no worries, you won't get any spam!

Lots of love,
Tosh