Self Esteem

I was in Singapore this month. It was hot, humid, very green and flowery and the people were friendly and efficient.

I completed a seven-day intensive called "Authentic Sales and Leadership Mastery Program". By day four, insights were hitting me like tsunamis. The biggest A-HA of all hit me on the last day of the course and I'm still assimilating it. The lesson was all about self-esteem, and my lack of it. And more importantly, how my low self-esteem impacts the people around me. I won't get into the details, but I let my team down and people got hurt, all because of my low self-esteem. As a leader, I have to believe in my team members more than they believe in themselves. I can't do that with low self-esteem.

This is one big lesson for me.

I'm down to 10 mgs of prozac a day (from 60) and feeling fine. Yeahh!

Lots of love,
Tosh

Facing one's demons

How can a spiritual teacher have credibility if he or she is on Prozac, or aspirin, or coffee, or anything that seems addictive or crutch-like?

I'm currently weening myself off of Prozac. I've been waiting for this moment since two years ago, when I first went on Prozac. The idea was to reduce my anxiety at work, so I could continue to work. In the end, I just felt more miserable and had to leave my job in February 2009. Immediately I started feeling better and it's just gotten better every day. I'm on a mid-life sabbatical and I LOVE it.

But the hangover was being stuck on Prozac. My doctor recommended I see it through, which meant another 8 months of taking it. It's kind of like being on antibiotics. Even though the problem (in my case, the job) was gone, the Prozac had to run its course.

So now I'm reducing the dosage every couple of weeks and noticing some mood swings. It's okay, meditation brings me so much deep peace that I can take all of this in stride. I'm curious to see how it goes once I'm completely off of it.

The other demon I'm facing these days is about commitment. I have been "planning" every day before it begins, and making one commitment each week. This is much harder than I thought it would be. I'm discovering that what I "think" I must do, and hence commit to, is not what I actually do. In fact, when the time comes, I have a whole other set of priorities. Like this week, I committed to creating an email list. Instead I reorganized my office and completed last year's tax return.

I don't know why this is. I'm human?

Lots of love,
Tosh

P.S. I just noticed that only one letter separates medication from meditation!! ;)